Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland is a terrible movie for several reasons.

First, the story transparently replicates The Chronicles of Narnia and other recent fantasy films. In the third act when the forces of the White Queen and the Red Queen are preparing to war over Wonderland, one doesn’t feel like they’re watching an epic and important event. There’s no emotional attachment to the White Queen, nor to the freedom of Wonderland itself. Likewise, the audience doesn’t feel any real enmity toward the Red Queen. She’s idiosyncratic and humorous, nothing worse. Of course fantasy films must have a conclusive final battle in which good defeats evil, so Tim Burton obliges.

Second, Johnny Depp’s performance, like most of his work with Tim Burton, is a stunt and a waste of talent. His performance as Hatter lacks all depth beyond oddity. Johnny Depp is a genuinely talented actor who has made himself a commodity of quirkiness, and his final dance scene is a profoundly embarrassing blemish on his career. Personally, I hope Johnny Depp and Tim Burton never work together again. This pair once made the masterful and enchanting Ed Wood, which makes their combined failures in the last decade all the more disappointing.

Many will laud the film’s visual effects and creative set design, but after Middle-Earth, Hogwarts, Narnia, and Pandora, Wonderland was nothing special.

Finally, Alice in Wonderland’s ending is painfully ignorant. Alice saves the tabula rasa world of Wonderland, and then decides to expand her father’s company to China. She even explains that this shouldn’t be difficult from their “foothold” in Hong Kong. History students will recall the Opium Wars and the Unequal Treaties, events by which British merchants—like Alice—effectively brought ruin to China, home to many of the world’s greatest empires. Good thing she saved Wonderland. Now to destroy a real country.

It’s been a long time since Ed Wood and Beetle Juice. Tim Burton may only have movies like Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory left in him. This looks to be the case considering his next project is a remake of his own short film, Frankenweenie. If so, he should never make a movie again, and he should also stop ruining Johnny Depp’s career.